"Having experienced the precision of mindfulness, we might ask the question of ourselves, 'What should I do with that? What can I do next?' [...] awareness is the willingness not to cling to the discoveries of mindfulness, and mindfulness is just precision; things are what they are [...] We flash on a situation and then diffuse that one-pointedness into awareness.
"So mindfulness and awareness work together to bring acceptance of living situations as they are. We need not regard life as worth boycotting or indulging in." p 50
I'm still trying to use this practice to fix myself. If I merely practice with less drive and more openness, then there won't be so much that I feel compelled to fix. I believe I can find enjoyment in something besides contortions of mind but I tell myself I can't let them go because I enjoy them. I'm keeping myself from awareness by seeking puzzles. I know I'm afraid that awareness will be like having a vegetable mentality. Maybe I can find a new concept of awareness. Or make myself open to attempting awareness to see what it's like for me.
Monday, October 20, 2008
The Myth of Freedom III, Meditation
"Meditation practice is based on dropping dualistic fixation, dropping the struggle of good against bad." p 44
This would be expanding. To see what there is that is not good or bad would be an opportunity to forgive myself and have more space for other experiences I would like to have.
"Joy here is not pleasurable in the ordinary sense, but it is an ultimate and fundamental sense of freedom, a sense of humor, the ability to see the ironical aspect of the game of the ego, the playing of polarities. If one is able to see ego from an aerial point of view, then one is able to see its humorous quality [...] Rather meditation is a natural process; working on the material of pain and pleasure as the path." p 45
Maybe this is the alternative to denying, killing, or trying to transcend the ego. The third way is the ironical way? The [uneasy(?)] tension of knowing, not hiding, but not following the ego should make space for easiness.
"In the beginning the practice of meditation is just dealing with the basic neurosis of mind, the confused relationship between yourself and projections, your relationship to thoughts. When a person is unable to see the simplicity of the [meditative] technique without any special attitude toward it, then he is able to relate himself with his thought pattern as well [...] a person always finds when he begins to practice meditation that all sorts of problems are brought out. Any hidden aspects of your personality are brought out into the open, for the simple reason that for the first time you are allowing yourself to see your state of mind as it is. For the first time you are not evaluating your thoughts [...] complications become transparent complications rather than solidified ones. So the first step in dealing with ego is to begin with a very simple way of dealing with thoughts [...] Familiar irritations are still there [in awareness practice] of course, but they are simple irritations, transparent irritations [...] One begins to experience a tremendous sense of space because one does not have to watch oneself in such a very heavy-handed way. Rather you are the recipient of the situation." p 46-47
This would feel so good. This would be the way to have a thought without having to embody it. I looked up from reading this and could see Catalina from the train for the first time in all the train trips I've made. When complications are clarified, they become transparent and reveal what they can be used for, which is neither good nor bad. I can think about not wanting to complete a task without having those thoughts make me feel bad or having them lead to my inaction. I can have thoughts of no consequence rather than thoughts that I have to fight against, counteract, or deny.
There aren't any dangerous thoughts. I have the thoughts I have and I do the things I do and they don't have to be aligned before they can be useful to me or released. There are no thoughts I need to get rid of in order to do what I want to do.
This would be expanding. To see what there is that is not good or bad would be an opportunity to forgive myself and have more space for other experiences I would like to have.
"Joy here is not pleasurable in the ordinary sense, but it is an ultimate and fundamental sense of freedom, a sense of humor, the ability to see the ironical aspect of the game of the ego, the playing of polarities. If one is able to see ego from an aerial point of view, then one is able to see its humorous quality [...] Rather meditation is a natural process; working on the material of pain and pleasure as the path." p 45
Maybe this is the alternative to denying, killing, or trying to transcend the ego. The third way is the ironical way? The [uneasy(?)] tension of knowing, not hiding, but not following the ego should make space for easiness.
"In the beginning the practice of meditation is just dealing with the basic neurosis of mind, the confused relationship between yourself and projections, your relationship to thoughts. When a person is unable to see the simplicity of the [meditative] technique without any special attitude toward it, then he is able to relate himself with his thought pattern as well [...] a person always finds when he begins to practice meditation that all sorts of problems are brought out. Any hidden aspects of your personality are brought out into the open, for the simple reason that for the first time you are allowing yourself to see your state of mind as it is. For the first time you are not evaluating your thoughts [...] complications become transparent complications rather than solidified ones. So the first step in dealing with ego is to begin with a very simple way of dealing with thoughts [...] Familiar irritations are still there [in awareness practice] of course, but they are simple irritations, transparent irritations [...] One begins to experience a tremendous sense of space because one does not have to watch oneself in such a very heavy-handed way. Rather you are the recipient of the situation." p 46-47
This would feel so good. This would be the way to have a thought without having to embody it. I looked up from reading this and could see Catalina from the train for the first time in all the train trips I've made. When complications are clarified, they become transparent and reveal what they can be used for, which is neither good nor bad. I can think about not wanting to complete a task without having those thoughts make me feel bad or having them lead to my inaction. I can have thoughts of no consequence rather than thoughts that I have to fight against, counteract, or deny.
There aren't any dangerous thoughts. I have the thoughts I have and I do the things I do and they don't have to be aligned before they can be useful to me or released. There are no thoughts I need to get rid of in order to do what I want to do.
The Myth of Freedom II, Hungry Ghost
"The poverty mentality is traditionally symbolized by the hungry ghost who has a tiny mouth, the size of the eye of a needle, a thin neck and throat, skinny arms and legs and a gigantic belly. His mouth and neck are too small to let enough food pass through them to his immense belly, so he is always hungry. And the struggle to satisfy his hunger is very painful since it is so hard to swallow what he eats." p 36
"Anything that appears in your life you regard as something to consume. If you see a beautiful autumn leaf falling, you regard it as your prey. You take it home or photograph it or paint a picture of it or write in your memoirs how beautiful it was." p 36
"You consume one idea after another, trying to record them, trying to make them solid and real. Whenever you feel hunger, you open your notebook or scrap book or a book of satisfying ideas." p 36
"You try to hold onto your possession, to dwell on it, but after a while you become heavy and dumb, unable to appreciate anything. You wish you could be hungry again so you could fill yourself up again. Whenever you satisfy a desire or suspend yourself in desire and continue to struggle, in either case you are inviting frustration." p 37
My work came out of my experience as a hungry ghost. It was that way in my adolescence and during college. It is that way now when I work towards my professional goals. My pain is hunger and I am also always in fear of the pain of "becoming stuffed, so full that one is insensitive to further stimuli." There's something else I should want besides continuous sensitivity. Something about what I can communicate?
"Anything that appears in your life you regard as something to consume. If you see a beautiful autumn leaf falling, you regard it as your prey. You take it home or photograph it or paint a picture of it or write in your memoirs how beautiful it was." p 36
"You consume one idea after another, trying to record them, trying to make them solid and real. Whenever you feel hunger, you open your notebook or scrap book or a book of satisfying ideas." p 36
"You try to hold onto your possession, to dwell on it, but after a while you become heavy and dumb, unable to appreciate anything. You wish you could be hungry again so you could fill yourself up again. Whenever you satisfy a desire or suspend yourself in desire and continue to struggle, in either case you are inviting frustration." p 37
My work came out of my experience as a hungry ghost. It was that way in my adolescence and during college. It is that way now when I work towards my professional goals. My pain is hunger and I am also always in fear of the pain of "becoming stuffed, so full that one is insensitive to further stimuli." There's something else I should want besides continuous sensitivity. Something about what I can communicate?
The Myth of Freedom I
"Emotions are as they are, neither suppressed not indulged but simply acknowledged." p 4
I don't know what this would feel like. Emotions are amplified in my current habit and they feed back. What's the difference between acknowledging and indulging?
Emotions are tied to actions. How can I break that tie but still act? What else motivates action but emotion? How do I get off the bench? Wouldn't I sit staring at the wall?
If there's Id, Ego, and SuperEgo, what else is left to be making the decision to optimize outcomes based on healthy motivations with reasonable expectations? How do I know what to do if I don't treat my emotions as guidelines? And if I do follow them, isn't that giving them the credence that is the core of indulgence?
Am I only supposed to follow the positive emotions? But wouldn't "are as they are" mean that judgement about emotions is misguided?
"to develop transcendental common sense, seeing things as they are, without magnifying what is or dreaming about what we would like to be." p 4-5
"Treading the spiritual path is painful. It is a constant unmasking, peeling off of layer after layer of masks. It involves insult after insult." p 6
What are the insults I'm trying to protect my ego against? Those are the things I should practice letting go or denying to myself.
What if we do not really "want to be expressed" because of the responsibility of vulnerability? I defend myself constantly from having to defend myself. I do this by making sure my communication is always controlled and imperfect.
Ego = the effort to maintain ourselves in relation to something else. p 12
Acknowledging impermanence = the possibility of appreciating life as a creative process. p 13
I don't know what this would feel like. Emotions are amplified in my current habit and they feed back. What's the difference between acknowledging and indulging?
Emotions are tied to actions. How can I break that tie but still act? What else motivates action but emotion? How do I get off the bench? Wouldn't I sit staring at the wall?
If there's Id, Ego, and SuperEgo, what else is left to be making the decision to optimize outcomes based on healthy motivations with reasonable expectations? How do I know what to do if I don't treat my emotions as guidelines? And if I do follow them, isn't that giving them the credence that is the core of indulgence?
Am I only supposed to follow the positive emotions? But wouldn't "are as they are" mean that judgement about emotions is misguided?
"to develop transcendental common sense, seeing things as they are, without magnifying what is or dreaming about what we would like to be." p 4-5
"Treading the spiritual path is painful. It is a constant unmasking, peeling off of layer after layer of masks. It involves insult after insult." p 6
What are the insults I'm trying to protect my ego against? Those are the things I should practice letting go or denying to myself.
What if we do not really "want to be expressed" because of the responsibility of vulnerability? I defend myself constantly from having to defend myself. I do this by making sure my communication is always controlled and imperfect.
Ego = the effort to maintain ourselves in relation to something else. p 12
Acknowledging impermanence = the possibility of appreciating life as a creative process. p 13
Tuesday, October 14, 2008
life line
My husband came up with the best idea. There's a game show that's been popular for the past several years and he recognized that one of its signature features is actually an information literacy problem that successful players solve well and unsuccessful players tend to flub. I think there's a brief article in that and maybe a lesson plan. I can imagine a way to create a learning game based on the premise.
Wednesday, October 8, 2008
Track it Down
This actually looks like it's too focused on technologies to be a good place for our work. (12/14/08)
Track down this journal:
Journal of Information, Communication and Ethics in Society
Because I think it might be a good place for our article on ethos.
Track down this journal:
Journal of Information, Communication and Ethics in Society
Because I think it might be a good place for our article on ethos.
Thursday, October 2, 2008
After Tenure
Another idea from my office mate that I don't want to forget:
Next year I'll be tenured and I can risk just saying what I think is right. So I'll come up with a plan about IC in the comp classes and I'll just lay it all out. Assignment consultation and all. Then I won't feel like I'm trying to trick anyone into anything and I'll know if they're interested or not. If I can gather evidence from their casual interactions with me now, I can give them examples of why I think my plan will work that are based on their own experience.
Next year I'll be tenured and I can risk just saying what I think is right. So I'll come up with a plan about IC in the comp classes and I'll just lay it all out. Assignment consultation and all. Then I won't feel like I'm trying to trick anyone into anything and I'll know if they're interested or not. If I can gather evidence from their casual interactions with me now, I can give them examples of why I think my plan will work that are based on their own experience.
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