"A slight adjustment of perspective"

"We treat desire as a problem to be solved, address what desire is for and focus on that something and how to acquire it rather than on the nature and the sensation of desire, though often it is the distance between us and the object of desire that fills the space in between with the blue of longing. I wonder sometimes whether with a slight adjustment of perspective it could be cherished as a sensation on its own terms, since it is as inherent to the human condition as blue is to distance?"
A Field Guide to Getting Lost, Rebecca Solnit, 2005

I'm in school now and constantly under the pressure of studying and writing that's not getting done. At the same time my interests are sharpened. My desire for time to read and think about my own ideas is stronger than it ever is when I actually have the time. I long to be untroubled but I know now that I never experience the perfect moment of thinking and being when I am unfettered. So I'm working on 1) not getting mad at myself for longing for time, 2) enjoying the feeling of heightened engagement because it's a pleasurable feeling if I don't chase it away with my stressed thoughts. Yoga is helping with this, therapy is helping with this, but mostly it's just knowing myself better that's helping with this. The feeling of being under the gun and the feeling of having tantalizing possibilities just out of my reach (and sometimes at my finger tips) cannot be parsed so I have to enjoy the part that I love while I'm stressed and it's here.